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The Journey

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver ~


I was reciting my e.e. cummings mantra for my friends, Danny and Jean Ellen, the other night and we all commenced discussing poetry. Specifically, we talked about this poem (see above) by Mary Oliver and I had to laugh at myself for my reaction.

But, first, a little back story: as many of you know, I have been on a quest to make myself happier this past year, which has involved many different tactics like yoga or reading "The Happiness Project" or ensuring that my relationships are positive ones or going on multiple vacations. Because, as many of you know, I tend to get bogged down at work, incredibly attached to my patients and take it quite hard if and when they would die. My recent happiness reminders have been the poem from e.e. cummings and the memory of my reaction when we were talking about this poem:
Jean Ellen reminded me that there was only one life I could save.
And I responded, "But, how do I know whose life I'm supposed to save?!!"
Pause.
"Oh, wait... It's my life."

And as Jean Ellen and Danny reminded me, I will not be able to help anyone if I'm not together myself. I won't be a good nurse or daughter or sister or friend if I, myself, am not happy, and goodness knows that that's what I want to be (a good nurse, daughter, etc). So, I'm taking a vacation nearly every month (one has to love the nursing schedule) and I will save my own life in order to save someone else's.

Those airplane instructions about putting your oxygen mask on first before assisting others really know what they're talking about.

Comments

t said…
beautiful. and good on you, old friend.
Anonymous said…
As one of those patients I say you must save yourself first. Then, um, save me. :)

June 14th I will be there and I said good things about you to Julie during the scary meeting.

Rissa